I have been spending a lot of time talking about creative projects, which has been a lot of fun, but I haven't posted as much as I like to about the healthy, well soul. Today's the day to begin in this new year. I have realized that I am very sentimental about portals - from one day to the next, one year to the next, one home to the next, etc. I mourn the end of things at the same time celebrating the new.
This year I was very conscious about the end of 2010 and the beginning of a new year, a new decade. Last year on December 30, I lost one of my dearest friends very suddenly. The shock of that time erased any moments that might have been directed towards experiencing the portal entry into the new year. In fact, that set the tone for some of the most undesirable, difficult experiences I have ever had in my life that all occurred during 2010. I hated 2010 in so many ways and yet I have found ways to love it with all my heart at the same time.
I have also realized that the loss of my dear friend feels a little bit fresh to me as I am reminded of those days by the celebrating of a new year. I have also come to believe that crossing the portal of one year to the next can be both incredibly unnerving and exhausting while at the same time filled with excitement, cheer, hope and exuberance. Having all those emotions banging around in the soul at the same time can be incredibly tiring. It's like a manic moment for the soul.
Crossing that threshold requires the processing of old experiences and emotions - the burying of sorrows. Time must be given to heal. Time must also be given to jubilantly celebrate the blessings and joy of the past year. Landmark moments must be sewn stitch by stitch to the lining of the heart so that we never lose our gratitude and acknowledgment of the miraculous.This takes time.
At the same time we are recovering from long road trips, cross country flights to spend holidays with family. We've eaten food we don't normally eat in larger quantities than normal. We've eaten other people's food that our routines are not used to. We've slept in beds that aren't ours. We've wrapped presents, sent cards, unwrapped presents and must now pack it all away for another year. Recovery cannot be put aside.
Then there is still the opening of the new year - the planning and changing we so want to do. The adventures we want to organize. Vision boards, goals, resolutions to be set and then the real work of putting them into practice, disciplining ourselves to new levels, carving off old barnacles we no long wish to be a part of us all at the same time that we return to busy routines and schedules we have set aside for days or weeks.
It's no wonder that as I followed Twitter this week I saw jubilant well-wishing and inspiration to have an amazing year, be kinder to ourselves, live more joyfully and live more simply flying across the web crashing into messages that read, "I hope I can do this", "Why am I so tired this week", "I don't have the energy to face putting all the holiday decorations away", "We all have the flu, where's our HAPPY New Year" and "I'm having a harder time than I expected jumping into this new year". It can feel like you've made the mistake of sprinting full-speed the first mile of a marathon - you just want to sit a spell and you still have 25 more to go.
My eyes are open to the fact that this year changing business is much more difficult when one truly experiences it in its fullest. Caring about the quality of one's life can be painful and thrilling at the same time. And it takes mountains of energy to live it well. I'll admit freely that I've had brief moments of mourning, real fear and darkness crossing into this new year mixed with very long work days filled with amazing success this past week. I've gone to bed with a big smile on my face, felt full of hope for good things to come, cherished building my vision board for the new year and reading loads of inspirational writings. I've been deeply blessed by the good cheer of others and cheered in inspiring one or two people myself.
I'm committing to myself to see the birth of a new year as just that. A slow, gently process followed by slow, gentle loving and growing. I'm going to try to let the year and let me grow naturally and peacefully and try to be wise enough to appreciate it all - the pain and the glory. Such is life, if we take time to live it fully.
I imagine you can relate to what I'm saying here in many ways. How has your transition into the new year been? Any wisdoms or stories to share? I hope you are taking time for yourself and feeling hope for a bright year to come. You deserve it! We all do! Sending you warmest wishes for the blessings of your hearts!
photo via microsoftclipart
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