11 February 2010

Mariah B. - Living in the Moment and Loving It

photo {via}

Welcome Mariah, our first guest blogger. I'll let her introduce herself, but I will tell you that she is a charming, gracious, talented and generous woman who I am glad to call my friend.

For those readers out there who have found themselves in “momland”, this one’s for you. Five years ago, as I was struggling to get pregnant and visiting a fertility doctor two or three times a week, I never really thought I would be here today. After many miscarriages, surgeries, over  1200 shots of heparin and two high risk pregnancies yielding three beautiful  bundles of joy…I’m wondering what I got myself into.

Back when I was trying to conceive, I was also climbing the corporate ladder, working on my MBA and had a very busy social life. I remember knowing exactly what I would do as a mother and what I considered purely unacceptable. Let me correct myself, I had no idea what I would DO, more like what I would NOT do.

First, I would not stay home with my children if money was tight. I figured I did not want to be scraping by, staying home and being poor and miserable. I would not trade in my department store make-up for discount store make-up. I would continue with my facials and manicures/pedicures because I would not be one of “those” moms. I would not let my body go. The baby weight would come off no matter how often I needed to go to the gym.  My marriage would not suffer and the children would not come between me and my husband.

Well here I am, a SAHM - a “Stay at Home Mom”, a term I pretty much consider a four letter word, or umm… acronym. All of those things I said I would NOT do, you guessed it, I’m doing. I quit a very lucrative career which cut our household income in half. I’m not only buying discount cosmetics, but I buy the generic of the discount brand.

My body is SLOWLY recovering…but will never be the same. My work out routine includes dragging three kids to the gym, stressing out the entire workout that someone is going to poop their pants and they’ll have to come get me and my marriage is well, let’s just say it’s much more difficult to be nice to each other when every ounce of energy has been sucked out of you.

If we’re being honest, I would say that 90% of moms have a similar story. So really, what’s new? I’m just another SAHM who’s so busy she barely gets to watch Oprah and when she does, Oprah seems to have all the answers. You need to take time for yourself. Do what makes you happy and find balance. Well I have to respectfully say, “Suck it, Oprah!” You obviously have no clue and all your minions of people cooking and cleaning for you don’t help with that lack of reality.

After three and a half years of struggling with finding myself, getting the right balance and all that other stuff, I’m really trying to just let go of the “me time” our generation of women feels entitled to and enjoy the ride. I feel that I’ve been holding on so hard trying to maintain my own personal identity that I won’t accept or let myself become who I actually am, a mom of three beautiful children. Children who I prayed for incessantly for three years and who have miraculously changed my life forever.   

One day I’ll be able to buy expensive make-up again, although I probably won’t because I've found it really doesn’t make a big difference. One day I’ll be able to go to the gym alone and stay for hours. My husband and I will look back at this time and realize how much stronger we are as a unit for going through this together.

So keeping with the “Kalanicut” vibe, I guess motherhood is like any other stage of our lives. Babies grow into toddlers, kids into teenagers and before I know it, I’ll be a grandmother. So ladies, let’s all stop trying to find ourselves and take a good look at where we are now. That doesn’t mean we can’t change and evolve, but accepting the women we are now is key to discovering our true self.


Anonymous said...

Hi. I was blog-hopping and read your post. I just had my first after 3 1/2 years of trying, and then not trying, and then being very very happy NOT with kids, and then miraculously, randomly got pregnant. Of course i love my baby, but that time when i was very consciously not pregnant allowed me to appreciate and love a life w/out kids. And now that i have one, i miss it so so much. Lately I've really been needing to regroup and adjust my attitude, because this kid isn't going anywhere, he's the cutest thing i've ever seen, and I feel like a slave. Well, maybe I AM a slave, but i'm going to try to love being a slave and be the best slave i can be. :) thanks.


kalanicut said...

Cheering you on Jen! Your success adapting through the disappointment to not having children tells me you will adapt and learn to love having children successfully too! Your influence has a huge impact on your baby and will be a great blessing to his life!

jen said...

that is a very very nice thing to read. Thank you. One of the great accomplishments of my life was overcoming the pain of not having kids & then being able to move on. If i can do that, maybe i can do this. high five!

Lindsey said...

Very cool. I like the idea that we need to appreciate who/where we are NOW instead of insisting we find "more" of ourselves at the expense of our kids and our own sanity. Thanks for the reminders. :)

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