16 February 2011

Can'ts and Cans

Due to my recent illness there are too many things that I can't do right now. Taking away my choices and opportunities does not sit well with a independent girl who loves freedom, adventure and making her own decisions.

I am not very good at being under constant supervision or put on restrictions when it comes to doing things I love. The better I feel the more the restrictions I am still dealing get me a little frustrated and sad. Not wanting to feel down I decided to take each can't and find a can that relates to it.

1) I cannot hear well. This means being in crowds, walking in traffic, etc is frustrating. People sneak up on me and scare me because I can't hear them coming into the door, into a room, or right up next to me. I can't go to movies right now, I think the noise would put my fingernails in the ceiling like an upside down cat - but I want to go to the movies. However I CAN watch TV fairly well and have one on one conversations with people. Those are my favorite anyway.

2) I cannot concentrate for very long. A few weeks ago I couldn't even bear to have a TV on or read anything. All I wanted to do was sleep.  As I rest now I CAN enjoy reading books and magazines. I feel so happy to have blog posts that are short and interesting to catch up on from so many lovely blog friends.

3) I cannot sing. I love to sing. I have been singing since I was a baby. I remember as a little girl standing outside our farm home, staring at the beautiful fields and mountains singing all sorts of songs at the top of my lungs - leading the music with my mother's baton. I love to sing with children, I love to sing in the car, I love to sing at church, I love to sing with my family. My voice is froggy and by afternoon almost gone each day. I CAN sing songs in my head and heart, try to hum along, listen to cheerful music and read the words of inspiring hymns.

4) I cannot run around too much. My little heart gets racing very easily right now. I CAN cook a pretty meal, bake cookies, write notes to friends and family and take daily walks. These are all lovely little things that I cherish doing.

5) I cannot fly in an airplane due to the damage to my ear. ERGH! This drives me crazy and makes my world very, very small - within driving distance. I actually have two round-trip tickets that I had been planning to use this winter and spring. I had made up my mind that I was going to travel somewhere dreamy and far away this year - to return to my beloved Scandinavia. While I can't do any of this right now, I CAN renew my passport and buy a beautiful new passport cover. I'll be ready when the time comes.

6) Lastly, I cannot not yet understand the whys and hows of the past month. I have always been a strong, healthy person. I had never spent a day in a hospital since I was born. Right now I am a little fearful and feel a little fragile.  But I CAN be brave. I CAN make a little list of things to accomplish each day. I CAN return to my daily morning rituals - my time for inspiration.  I CAN be patient with myself and my healing. I CAN have faith that things will get better and hope that all will be healed.

I hope that whatever can'ts you are experiencing in your life, that you are encircled by many CANS that bless you too. Sending warmest wishes to you! Happy Wednesday.

photo by Jen Maruska Design. You can find her lovely Etsy Shop here.


Spiral Style said...

You sound amazingly patient and positive. Hope you are totally back to normal soon.

Anonymous said...

Kalani, you are an amazing and strong woman and you can get through this difficult time. I love your list of CANs and pray for your continued healing. Hugs! Karen McGee

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you're recovering, even if it is slow going. I loved reading about your delicious Valentine's dinner! I'll bet your family's happy you can still cook!

Thanks for posting these CANs today. I've been living in a world of CAN'T for the last little bit (not the least of which being my no-sugar February), & this post inspired me to think of what I CAN do right now.

Keep feeling better!

Kar said...

Amazing post!!!! You are an inspiration! So very talented!


Praying for you, friend, as you continue to heal. These are hard restrictions, for sure.


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