01 December 2009

Dating Suggestions for Women of Style

If you are a lovely woman looking for a good man here are a few tips from me and some lovely women who’ve found their good man.
 Put yourself out there in any way you feel comfortable. For great motivation I’ve listed a few great books at the bottom of this post. You should also check out  iTunes, there are some great free mediations for finding the love of your life! Sign up to play on a co-ed sports team or go to events where you’ll know you’ll meet the kind of men you’re interested in. Join a high-quality online dating service and go about it smartly and safely. Just do SOMETHING to stir up your world a little bit and get you meeting great guys!

Try to get the ball rolling by just simply making eye contact with all the men you come in contact with each day. You don’t have to marry them or even date them, just get in the habit of politely and warmly smiling at men. If you run around looking down, distracted and too busy to give men the time of day you’ll miss seeing the good ones and all the men whose path you cross will get the impression that you aren’t interested.

I’ll give you an example from my life. After I’d been practicing this for a couple of months I walked into Trader Joe’s on a Saturday night about 9pm. First I have to say the place was loaded with perfectly nice looking men of all ages and there were very few women there. As I had trained myself to do, I made eye contact with every man I passed and smiled. It was as if I was the only woman on the planet. Men everywhere could feel my outgoing energy and I swear to you every man in the checkout lines made eye contact with me and smiled. A gracious, charismatic, kind woman is a major eye catcher to men.

Go on confidence builder activities. Here’s my best yet. I didn’t plan this in advance, but if ever need a lot of help on a project I will follow this game plan forever. One day I bought a headboard in the IKEA as-is section. Is was in good shape except for a small crack which I thought I could fix. I envisioned painting it dark brown and adding a few inches onto the legs so that it would stand higher above my bed. I walzed into Home Depot in a pencil skirt and high heels. You wouldn’t believe how quickly I was asked if I needed help! The first gentleman who came to my assistance took me all over the store giving me solutions to the fixes I needed to make and came up with better ones than I had originally come up with. Then he passed me onto two other men who were more than happy to assist. They cut special wood and metal pieces for me and made sure that I had everything I needed. It was the best “practice date” I’ve ever been on! Great confidence builder! So if you are ever feeling low, head to your nearest hardware store in a pretty little skirt and heels with a project!

3)      Be nice to everyone you meet. The good men are watching. I remember one night I was talking on the phone with a great guy I was just getting to know. We were looking forward to our first date the next day. He worked nights, I worked days and getting together via telephone or in person was a challenge. He had just woken up in the late evening and run to the grocery store and called me to chat. He politely asked me to hold for just a moment while he had his handful of purchases rung up.  That was very polite to both me and the cashier. While I waited I had the chance to overhear his conversation with the grocery store clerk. In a warm, friendly manner he greeted the clerk and chatted, cracked a joke, and graciously thanked the clerk for helping him and wished him a good evening. I realized in that moment that that was a phenomenal opportunity for me to see how respectfully he treated people, that he was good humored, friendly and had a spirit of gratitude. It spoke volumes about him.

Wear a casual skirt on a first date. This may sound silly, but men like to be men and for their women to be women. Nothing speaks woman to a man like the curves of the feminine body in a skirt. It can be a casual skirt and sandals, that’s almost best because it’s not too serious. A skirt says you’re in touch with your femininity, you’re girlish, soft. It shows a little below the calf skin, it’s flirty and fun.

From my good and happily-married friend Carla, "My husband still remembers that I wore a skirt on our first date and how he loved that. It made him feel that there were distinct roles – he was the man and I was the woman and he treated me so respectfully and kindly.

Skirts are so feminine. I believe men are visual and what better way to visually say, “I am a feminine woman.” Men aren’t looking for another best friend; they want a woman who knows how to be just that, a woman.

I've shared this idea with several of my single friends.  Some just look at me like I'm crazy and others at least try it -- after I keep bugging them about it. All I can say is "Don't knock it until you try it!"  It doesn't hurt anything or anyone.. what have you got to loose?"

Now you’re not going to find the man of your dreams just because you wore a skirt on your first date, but I will say that Carla and two of her closest friends are either in long-term relationships or married since wearing a sporty, feminine skirt and simple sandals on a first date with a great guy.

5)   Be in good physical condition and maintain a lovely appearance.    Here’s a tough one for some people. But I’m going to put it out there. Men and women both want to be with someone who is healthy and in great shape.  Please note that I did not say women who look like a Barbie Doll or men built like G.I Joe and  are consumed with their appearance at the loss of other important facets of a highly functioning soul.  If a person is healthy and in good shape he/she deserves to be with a partner who can keep up with him/her, who is taking care of the body God gave him/her and puts an emphasis on his/her appearance and overall well-being including moral character and a winning personality.

Weight and appearance are not places to hide in denial or refuse to change. God made us to be healthy, strong and beautiful and you are not being true to yourself, to your maker or the man/woman of your dreams if you aren’t putting an emphasis on your health and well-being. Don’t get caught in the “I just want a partner who will love me as I am” trap. If you feel great about yourself and have a command of your overall health and well-being you have a much greater chance of finding and enjoying a really amazing relationship because you’ll be living in your truth, in the fullness and beauty of who you are. Not to mention the overall health and quality of life benefits you will enjoy!

For more great dating tips for women and advice about men, here are a few books I recommend:

4)      Getting to I Do, by Pat Allen
Happy Dating!

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