Spring 2020
I had a very interesting conversation with our Kiddo earlier this week that gave me a lot of insight about what I need to think about as we converse with our kids right now and help them through one of the more stressful times they've experienced in their liv
We were outside enjoying out back patio and she asked me, "So when is this going to be over?" It struck me that on some level she does not understand that we grown ups have no idea what is really happening, what the solution is going to be or how long this is all going to continue. I started thinking, most of the time we adults can answer questions like that pretty clearly. "How long is this (school activity, airplane flight, church meeting or doctor's appointment) going to last?" Parents and other grown ups can usually answer questions like that. We answer most of their questions, most of the time. Our prior life experience have given us at least a basic guesstimate to be able to answer those kinds of questions.
Her follow up questions was yet another I could not answer. "When has this happened before?"
I replied, "On this scale, never. Never...ever...in the history of this country or in the lives of anyone we know has the whole world shut down like this. There is no precedent for this so we just don't know much or what to expect."
I think that was another answer that didn't give her much except to say it's never happened like this before. So we have no history to depend on.
I have no way of knowing how this pandemic situation is going to play out. None. I have never been through this. I don't know anyone who is alive who has been through this. There's no one to ask. There is no book or website to go to in order to get answers. Literally nobody knows. Trying to explain that to your child is discomforting to both parties.
Telling your sweet kid that you don't have any answers feels like a bit of a fail as a parent, not being able to give them some kind of comfort about time frames and why the world is turned upside down. But my hands really are tied here. Teaching her that sometimes adults don't have any answers either is the life lesson. Resilience is the life lesson. Courage, loving our neighbors, taking extreme care of ourselves and our household, these are the critical life lessons we have to teach out of this experience.
I can also teach her to continue to trust in a loving Heavenly Father because he knows all and he knows what we need to do and he knows how this will all end. And He loves us and wants to help us through hard things.
I may be the mom but I don't have any answers. But I have some answers that I think will help. As I try to help myself, my Kiddo and my family through this time there is a lot of listening to do. To my own heart, to each family member's heart. To listen to their worries and fears and talk about how we can all support each other through them. To share the things we are working through so that they know we are experiencing this too and being challenged to grow as well.
I can help make happy memories - celebrating family traditions and making new traditions. Doing fun things they will remember in years to come. I can give extra love and spend more time with each family member. I can lead the way in breaking unhealthy habits and establishing better ones.
I can make super healthy meals together with my family. We can watch something together. We can pull out our joke books and laugh at silly things. We can watch funny friends on the internet. We can share gratitudes every day. We can keep a journal so we have a history of this extraordinary time in our lives.
We may not escape the virus but we can make this worst of times, also the best of times. I remember one when I was in fourth grade. There was a terrible blizzard and for the first time in my life the school sent us all home right after lunch. The power also went out so my parents gathered mattresses around the fireplace in the living room and we all roasted marshmallows and snuggled there together for the night. While that was a time of hardship, I remember that my parents made it fun for us and I have very distinct memories of that day still.
When I think about what I want our family to bring out of this difficult and at times scary period of our lives - because we don't know what is to come yet and what the economic outcome of all this will be - I hope we have some memories to cherish, many blessings to be thankful for, and that we know we made this a time to appreciate our lives, our family and the bounty we enjoy more fully. I hope those are all things that will enrich the rest of our lives and the history of our family.
I had a very interesting conversation with our Kiddo earlier this week that gave me a lot of insight about what I need to think about as we converse with our kids right now and help them through one of the more stressful times they've experienced in their liv
We were outside enjoying out back patio and she asked me, "So when is this going to be over?" It struck me that on some level she does not understand that we grown ups have no idea what is really happening, what the solution is going to be or how long this is all going to continue. I started thinking, most of the time we adults can answer questions like that pretty clearly. "How long is this (school activity, airplane flight, church meeting or doctor's appointment) going to last?" Parents and other grown ups can usually answer questions like that. We answer most of their questions, most of the time. Our prior life experience have given us at least a basic guesstimate to be able to answer those kinds of questions.
Her follow up questions was yet another I could not answer. "When has this happened before?"
I replied, "On this scale, never. Never...ever...in the history of this country or in the lives of anyone we know has the whole world shut down like this. There is no precedent for this so we just don't know much or what to expect."
I think that was another answer that didn't give her much except to say it's never happened like this before. So we have no history to depend on.
I have no way of knowing how this pandemic situation is going to play out. None. I have never been through this. I don't know anyone who is alive who has been through this. There's no one to ask. There is no book or website to go to in order to get answers. Literally nobody knows. Trying to explain that to your child is discomforting to both parties.
Telling your sweet kid that you don't have any answers feels like a bit of a fail as a parent, not being able to give them some kind of comfort about time frames and why the world is turned upside down. But my hands really are tied here. Teaching her that sometimes adults don't have any answers either is the life lesson. Resilience is the life lesson. Courage, loving our neighbors, taking extreme care of ourselves and our household, these are the critical life lessons we have to teach out of this experience.
I can also teach her to continue to trust in a loving Heavenly Father because he knows all and he knows what we need to do and he knows how this will all end. And He loves us and wants to help us through hard things.
I may be the mom but I don't have any answers. But I have some answers that I think will help. As I try to help myself, my Kiddo and my family through this time there is a lot of listening to do. To my own heart, to each family member's heart. To listen to their worries and fears and talk about how we can all support each other through them. To share the things we are working through so that they know we are experiencing this too and being challenged to grow as well.
I can help make happy memories - celebrating family traditions and making new traditions. Doing fun things they will remember in years to come. I can give extra love and spend more time with each family member. I can lead the way in breaking unhealthy habits and establishing better ones.
I can make super healthy meals together with my family. We can watch something together. We can pull out our joke books and laugh at silly things. We can watch funny friends on the internet. We can share gratitudes every day. We can keep a journal so we have a history of this extraordinary time in our lives.
We may not escape the virus but we can make this worst of times, also the best of times. I remember one when I was in fourth grade. There was a terrible blizzard and for the first time in my life the school sent us all home right after lunch. The power also went out so my parents gathered mattresses around the fireplace in the living room and we all roasted marshmallows and snuggled there together for the night. While that was a time of hardship, I remember that my parents made it fun for us and I have very distinct memories of that day still.
When I think about what I want our family to bring out of this difficult and at times scary period of our lives - because we don't know what is to come yet and what the economic outcome of all this will be - I hope we have some memories to cherish, many blessings to be thankful for, and that we know we made this a time to appreciate our lives, our family and the bounty we enjoy more fully. I hope those are all things that will enrich the rest of our lives and the history of our family.
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