The other day I was looking at a gift given to me by a friend years ago. It is sweet, charming and inspiring in intent, but honestly it is attached to some really bad, stressful memories and every time I look at it, it makes me feel stressed and brings back memories I don't really want to be reliving every time I look at it. So I decided to give it to the thrift store with a kiss and gratitude to honor the gift from my dear friend.
I also have a lucky penny a friend gave me over 10 years ago. I'm not sure how lucky that penny was or is, but I'm just not feeling an attachment to it anymore. It feels so attached to the past. Maybe I could spend it on something that makes me happy instead of having it in a little frame in my office. I like that idea and I think it honors the love in which it was given and in which it was received.
I found an old gratitude journal that is only half filled. It was a great thing at the time I was using it, a place of peace and comfort, but now when I look at it I feel stressed. Looking through the journal it's a bit of a history of hard times and things that didn't work out, embarrassing situations and hopes I had that did not come to fruition. I want to let that go too and I'm going to.
I would never give away a real, historical journal, but this is more wishes and dreams and I am ready to let the ancient past be just that. I have enough embarrassing journals to cover the time period...ha. I could cut out the junk pages and continue to use it, but it's the cover and the pages and the whole book that bothers me so holding on to it out of obligation to use the last of the paper seems odd. Maybe I can cut it out and use it for scratch paper. I use a lot of scratch paper.
I also have a rock collection that I'm wondering about the true value of. They were meaningful to me once upon a time sometimes because of the giver of the rock and other times because of the lessons I learned from studying them, but now I feel like I'm holding on to them out of some sense of obligation. I think it's time for them to go.
I have so many little trinkets and treasures that meant something once upon a time that now just feel obligatory and I feel guilty getting rid of them and I shouldn't. I don't need to keep everything that I've ever owned or that once meant something to me. It seems that I am entering a place of deeper cleansing both in body and life.
Physically I have been feeling much better the past two months than I had for quite a few months before that. I might credit that to continued heeling of my foot, the surgery I had in early February, a change in nutritional supplements and even perhaps an adjustment of my stress levels or letting go of some situations I have no control over. Doing more self-care and taking more time to do things I enjoy since Christmas probably has some impact on that as well.
As I progress to a more healthy physical state, I feel a companion drive to have my environment in a better state as well. I realize more and more how far behind my life fell in so many ways while I was "cast-bound" last year and in the still continuing recovery as well as the stress and magnitude of our 2015 move. We are still catching up with all the things that has to be put aside so that we could just get through the days and keep the family functioning.
I continued to function as an amazingly high rate of speed for the situation but in the long run, the toll that took on me and our family is still being felt. Had I taken things easier, I would probably be in a much better situation now, but I didn't have a lot of options a the time.
One of the things that we are so suffering from still is feeling and being settled in this house. There is still so much to do to really get it in a place where we will feel like we're really here, living here and feeling "at home". One of the things that I am feeling the impact of right now is the deep need to reorient my life to our new home, city, etc. There are things to let go of from our old life and I want to simplify life here so much so that we can just enjoy life rather than always feeling like we're trying to manage belongings, schedules and work.
Saying goodbye to things I don't really love anymore feels like an important step right now. That crosses over into so many facets. We have so many towels that are in crummy shape but totally still usable. We also have new towels. We don't need THAT many towels. Some need to go and we need to finally get our bathrooms and cupboards organized in a better way that works for us where everyone knows where to go to find things and where to put things away.
For this week I am going to start saying goodbye to things I don't really need or love anymore. I am ready to do that and ready to have a new, refreshed life, less encumbered with things I don't love. Hopefully that will catch on with my family and they will feel freed to give up some things too. I think it's time.
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